Pick Your Fights!

Why is it important to pick your fights?

  • Not everything is important. Some things that you feel strongly about now, just won’t matter this time next year.
  • Every battle takes up precious time. Each problem you become embroiled in can end up stealing your time, which could’ve been spent doing fun things.
  • Arguments leave us feeling drained of energy. We only have a certain reserve each day, don’t waste your energy on fruitless debates.
  • After a fight with someone, we often feel upset and regretful.
  • Hurtful words and actions cannot be taken back. They can damage relationships long term.

So Here Are Some Tips on How To Pick Your Fights And Win Them.

  • Evaluate the issue : You will probably find that most of the things that disrupt you on a daily basis are petty, small issues that will not have a huge impact on your future. Ask yourself – is this issue really important? Do I have to deal with it? Can my time be spent better elsewhere?
  • Do a cost/benefit analysis : In the investment world, cost/benefit analysis is a systematic approach to estimate the strengths and weaknesses of a business so one can determine if it is a sound investment or not. Ask yourself – Do the costs outweigh the benefits in this argument? If the answer is “yes” then it is often better to let go and move on. What are the odds of success? Will I win this battle? If it’s not looking positive in your favour, then it may be better to let go and move on. Does this mean that you should avoid all battles? Of course not. Sometimes it’s important to pick a fight to make a statement, especially if it is a moral one that involves one of your dearly held values.
  • Go For Win : Win : Always aim for a result where both sides emerge feeling victorious. “Why would I want my opponent to win?” You may ask. Even though we are talking about fights and battles, I encourage you to think of your opponent as your ally. The reason is simple: when you have a mindset to squash others, you adopt a scarcity mindset that believes there is a lack of opportunity for everyone involved. I know we live in a very competitive world, but believe me, thinking that way will limit you. When you focus on a win:win outcome, your unconscious mind will search for abundant solutions.
  • Recognise that the fight isn’t against the person but the ‘conflict’. If you are frustrated, or feel misunderstood, wait until you are calm and can talk through your differences and struggles in a productive manner. Seek to understand as well as be understood. Share your opinion with the view of building bridges. Take time to brainstorm a solution.
  • Keep Your Emotions in Check : During conflict it can be hard to remain conscious. Emotions run high and grievances can open up and power you towards attacking the other person, even if you know logically that is not your goal.

I have some tips to help you manage this :

  • Before you go into battle, imagine yourself in a calm, protective bubble. No one can hurt you or take you away from this place unless you let them.
  • If angry words are hurled at you, continue to engage in a peaceful way, by lowering your tone of voice and slowing the pace of your speech. The other person will be drawn to follow your control. In your mind have an exit point, if the argument goes beyond this point, excuse yourself and leave.
Posted in Calm, Choices, Mindset and tagged , , , .

Anne Mckeown